Now that you are starting to study your husband and evaluate how you can schedule your week, it's time to talk about "hot spots". No, I am not talking about that secret button your husband knows how push to give you "that" signal. I am talking about the area, zone, jurisdiction, whatever-you-want-to-call-it area of your home that makes you feel as though your house is clean or a mess. And the same goes for your husband, too.
You may already know what it is for you. Or you may not. To help you try and determine your hot spot, I have three visualizations that I want you to think about.
Example one: you have just gotten a call that your very lovely grandmother, whom you have not seen in a couple of years, is going to be at your house in 10 minutes. Which part of your house are you going to run to first? Bedrooms? Kitchen? Bathroom? Or are you calm and collected and ready to open your home, because everything is in its proper place?
Example two: you have just been suddenly hospitalized for an extended period of time. Friends and family are going to your house to pick up a few necessities for you. Which part of your home are you cringing about having them see?
Example three: you have had a trying afternoon with the kids, trying to get homework done and dinner started before your husband gets home. He has had a really bad day at the office, so to speak. What parts of the house is he most likely to complain about?
For each of the examples above, take a few moments to note what your hot spots are. Remember, hot spots are those things that just drive you absolutely crazy when surprise company, or unexpected visitors are coming to your home. For me, it’s the bedrooms. I feel like my house is just a mess if the beds are not made; bedroom floors are not cleared of dirty clothes, toys, and books; and if there is a pile of dirty laundry in the hallway!
My solution for managing my hot spot was to develop the morning chores routine that I referenced in an earlier post: get dressed, make your bed, clean your room, brush your teeth, and take down the dirty laundry. By doing this every day, I am almost assured that my hot spot is taken care of. Now, if I get a surprise announcement about company, I just make sure the first floor is picked up and the dishes are either done or neatly stacked in the sink.
The hot spot is usually different for a husband then it is for the wife! Reviewing the different "complaints", no matter how small or insignificant they might appear initially, is going to be your best source of clues. Secondly, most husbands tend to "nitpick" those areas of the house that bug them when they have had a bad day. At least, my father did, and my grandfather did, and on occasion, my husband has. It took some time, but I eventually learned that my husband’s hot spot is the kitchen. He always seems to complain that the house is a mess if the dishes aren’t done or if the kitchen seems chaotic, like during canning season!
To help manage the perception that the house is clean, and thus help to keep my husband happy, I now try to make sure that the dishes are done and put away; that dinner is somewhat planned; and that I plan the more chaotic days of canning and freezer meal planning when he is busy out of the house! I am blessed with a husband that communicates on a consistent basis exactly when he is on his way home and about what time he should arrive. His schedule fluctuates and so he could be home anytime from 9:00 in the morning to 6:00 in the evening. As soon as I get the text telling me he is on his way, I review the kitchen and make sure it looks nice and clean.
You need to make sure that both of your “hot spots” are taken care of every day. Yes...every day. Believe it or not, this will alleviate the bulk of the discord between the two of you. I know it sounds crazy, but trust me, it’s true! He will feel as though he is coming home to a warm and welcoming, clean haven; and you will feel as though you are in control of your own home.
Pull out the "To-Do List" that you started earlier (or if you didn't, grab a piece of paper right now). Identify yours and your husband's hot spots and develop a plan for taking care of them. It might be a morning routine thing, like mine; it might be something you take care of an hour before your husband is due home; figure out what will work best for your family. And remember, you may not have to do everything yourself - start teaching your kids right from the beginning. My current youngest is only three and she knows that after breakfast, it is time to "clean up" and has been "helping" ever since she could climb our stairs.
Blessings be upon you.
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